’WPC-  ÜēŁĀBņF ןŚĖę&VM­Xwfąč·¬óF ¤”qō ZØō i#m¹bĮ®„øĄ4…õyĶš°X3žˆ!w²"¤%Uˆćųī·Y~äū.`Ł6ČUX¤Ē_L“čR÷1:ī̇Ę”Ƶį]C”7L=x*ā:¼uN/ ÉĻH£3םbT½ė*śIK[[ųIžŌ³gŸä,?ŽGĒ`ȧ÷āŁšōœDqH·S¼+^Ēģgzč.ŹDĒAØœĪ–q%ŪöķB0›5ĀåÉ>^aąųŹž łš*•F‚²Ą˜ŁA5‡”ŠłfBC|āźRW>uœŻ—–]£!Ęįųn!De§+w䲆坏µc„N€&I©‹ŽSL‹ÕKQS1“ȝ4ņ8yŖL vē6DOÕ`÷:ϬD0ÅYwßZ9§bjjøGxļ ˜Microsoft Office Document Image Writer 0-•ŸzAZ‹"Arial Regularõ(üœ$””ŌUSUS.,Ō“Į8ī ":±8ź:i¢×+003|x ’U‹’ĄĄĄ Õ7 ' Owner0Owner .   (.3½Ž$§§Ż ƒüœ!ŻŌUSUS.,ŌŻ  Ż °Ż ƒ ½Ž'ŻŌUSUS.,ŌŻ  ŻŌ_ŌŌ‡Ü[õõŌą€P!P!!(#ąTea€p.€Ś  Ś1Ś  ŚŌ#†õÅŪõÜ[=#Ō$ß0 qZ ‹&Staccato222 BT Ż ƒüœ!ŻŌUSUS.,ŌŻ  ŻŌ_ŌŃX°ŃŃX°ŃŌ#aaddŌÖ€ ’’ÖŃ  ŃÓ*°,X°‚,` ˜X°œX*ÓŌ‡,ė,õõŌ4916Ō#†õÅŪõ,,ė·#Ōą@22$ģąA€Sip€of€TeaˆŠ X ŠĢÓ€Óą Ü ąThe€moon.€€Pale€in€shadow.€€Bright€gold€hand€of€light€cups€its€cheek€like€a€mother€caressing€her€babyššsŠ Ų€ Šface.Š ų  Šą Ü ąņņShe€noticed€the€moon.€€She€always€noticed€the€moon.€€The€moon€knew€things.€€Understood€things.€€SomeŠ Ą Špeople€might€think€she€was€superstitious.€€Listening€to€the€earth,€the€sky,€the€sea,€the€moon,€was€wisdom€toŠ >ę Šher.€€When€she€felt€deflated,€Ō_ŌspacyŌ_Ō,€she€knew€without€looking€that€the€moon€was€gibbous€waning€and€mostŠ d   Šlikely€at€its€last€day€or€so€before€new€moon.€€The€wisdom€of€the€moon€was€to€pull€back€from€the€light,€to€rest€inŠ Š 2  Šholy€darkness.€€Most€ironically,€she€was€the€least€nocturnal€person€she€knew.€€In€bed€by€8:30€and€up€aroundŠ ° X Š4:30,€she€was€desperate€for€sunlight€and€fresh€air€and€the€quiet€of€early€morning.€€She€loved€the€sun,€whichŠ Ö ~  Šgave€her€energy€and€hope.€€But€it€was€the€moon€that€nurtured€her€with€wisdom....Š ü ¤  Šóóą Ü ąI€seem€always€to€be€observing€things€and€then€writing€them€in€my€head.€€There€are€times€when€charactersŠ "Ź  Šshow€up€in€my€head€and€I€hear€and€see€things€through€his€or€her€eyes,€and€then€there€are€times€when€I€seeŠ Bź  Šthings,€like€this€moon,€and€allow€what€I€see€to€be€the€perceptions€of€another€character.€€I€was€contemplatingŠ b  Šthis€when€I€found€the€little€shop€that€supposedly€had€the€Ō_ŌYuoŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌShyueŌ_Ō€Tea€House€in€the€back.€€It€was€gettingŠ ‚* Šdark,€and€the€moon€was€just€as€I€described,€but€I€intended€it€to€show€up€in€a€story,€seen€by€some€otherŠ ¢J Šcharacter.Š Āj Šą Ü ąEntering€the€tiny€dark€room€through€the€bamboo€curtains€is€entering€a€China€that€only€now€exists€in€films,Š āŠ  Šš šturn€of€the€centuryšš€China€that€seems€so€romantic€with€the€silk€pajama„like€clothing€and€the€long€black€hairŠ Ŗ" Štied€in€segments€down€the€manššs€back€and€originating€from€a€cropped€perfect€circle€atop€the€headš!š„the€ņņŌ_ŌbaiŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌhuiŌ_Ōóó.€Š "Ź$ ŠBut€the€old€Chinese€man€behind€the€glass€cases€to€the€left€of€the€entrance€seemed€more€ancient€still,€like€aŠ Hš& Šclay€scholar€figure€come€to€life€with€thin€white€mustache€trailing€into€long€white€beard€that€tapered€near€theŠ h( Šnavel.€€I€removed€my€Ō_ŌbirksŌ_Ō€without€a€sound€and€continued€to€watch€him.€€His€hair€around€his€face€was€pulledŠ ˆ0* Šstraight€back€and€tied€at€the€ņņŌ_ŌbaiŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌhuiŌ_Ōóó€and€the€length€fell€halfway€down€his€back,€thin€enough€to€see€the€blackŠ ØP, Štunic€through€the€streaks.€€He€was€taking€tiny€bottles€of€oil€out€of€the€cabinet€behind€him€and€tapping€a€dropŠ Īv. Šinto€a€small,€narrow,€dark€trough,€used€as€a€mortar,€curved€slightly€to€hold€in€the€contents.€€Also€behind€him,Š ī–0 Šabove€the€short€cabinet€with€drawers€of€oil€vials,€rested€hundreds€of€round€tea€tins€with€lids€facing€out,€like€wineŠ ¶2 Šin€a€wine€cellar.€€The€lids€had€crisscrossed€labels€with€Chinese€characters.€€I€assumed€they€were€family€andŠ . Ö4 Šregion€names€and€dates€when€the€tea€was€harvested,€perhaps€a€reference€to€the€grade€as€well.Š N!ö6 Šą Ü ąThe€rattle€of€the€bamboo€curtain€had€not€distracted€the€Master€from€his€task€at€hand.€€He€reached€for€twoŠ n" 8 Šcanisters€in€very€different€locations€without€seeming€to€look€at€the€labels,€knowing€them€well.Š Ž#6!: Šą Ü ąI€waited.€€I€knew€he€knew€I€was€there.€€And€he€knew€I€knew,€and€I€knew€he€appreciated€my€patience.€€IŠ ®$V"< Šwaited.€€Š Ī%v#> Šą Ü ąHe€pinched€several€times€into€one€canister€and€only€once€in€the€other€and€dropped€the€leaves€into€theŠ ī&–$@ Šnarrow,€scooped,€curved€troughš"šas€I€said,€like€a€mortar,€but€not€in€a€bowl€shapeš"šon€the€counter.€€He€pickedŠ (¶%B Šup€what€looked€like€a€round„blade€pizza€cutter€with€handles€off€both€sides€and€ran€it€back€and€forth€over€theŠ .)Ö&D Šleaves€a€few€times.€€Š N*ö'F Šą Ü ąHe€took€the€kettle€off€the€fire€just€as€steam€began€to€billow€out€the€spout.Š n+)H Šą Ü ąš šYou€have€forgotten€that€you€are€created€from€the€earth.šš€€He€walked€to€the€low€table€in€the€middle€of€theŠ Ž,6*J Šroom€with€a€pillow€on€either€side.€€On€the€table€was€a€tray€holding€the€steeping€pot,€the€pouring€pot,€and€theŠ ®-V+L ŠŌ_ŌgongfuŌ_Ō€cupsš"šthe€aroma€cup€and€the€tasting€cup,€which€was€slightly€shorter€than€the€aroma€cup.€€I€sat€half„Š Ī.v,N Šlotus€on€one€pillow.€€He€rested€the€black€iron€kettle€on€a€block,€took€off€the€lid€of€the€brewing€pot€and€tapped€inŠ ī/–-P Šthe€tea€leaves,€then€poured€in€the€steaming€water.€€But€he€had€yet€to€look€up€at€me.€€Š ¼ Šą Ü ąA€few€moments€of€silence€passed.€€The€Masterššs€eyes€were€closed.€€š šEverything€you€need€has€beenŠ Ü  Šprovided.šš€€I€heard€these€words€in€my€ears€as€Master€Tzu€Ō_ŌYuehŌ_Ō€poured€out€the€tea€into€the€aroma€cups.€€HowŠ ü@ Šdid€I€know€his€name?€€I€watched€his€face,€his€eyes€focused€on€his€task.€€He€never€looked€at€me€while€heŠ ` Špoured.€€He€never€spoke€aloud€as€he€poured;€still,€I€knew€these€were€his€words,€I€heard€his€voice€in€my€headŠ <€ Šbut€as€I€said,€my€eyes€did€not€see€him€speak€and€I€was€watching€him€closely.€€Š \    Šą Ü ąHe€raised€his€aroma€cup€and€breathed€in€long€and€slow.€€I€followed€his€example.€€The€aroma€filled€myŠ | Ą  Šchest€and€the€smell€of€the€stingy€floral€jasmine€and€another€fragrance€I€couldnššt€identify€made€the€soft€hairsŠ œ ą Šstand€up€on€my€neck€from€my€ears€to€my€shoulders.Š ¼  Šą Ü ąThen€he€tipped€the€slender€cup€into€the€small€fat€tasting€cup.€€And€so€did€I.€€He€lifted€the€cup€with€bothŠ Ü  Šhandsš"šrather,€the€forefingers€and€thumb€of€each€handš"šand€sipped.€€I,€too,€took€a€sip€from€my€cup.€Š ü@  Šą Ü ąMy€tongue€absorbed€the€steaming€floral€elixir,€the€flavor€so€rich€my€sinuses€expanded.€€My€ears€poppedŠ `  Šopen€as€if€Iššd€been€always€deaf€before€and€when€I€blinked€I€was€sitting€in€a€temple€yard.€€A€monk€sat€at€aŠ <€  Špotterššs€wheel,€his€orange€robe€tossing€like€flames€in€the€breeze.€€He€pressed€a€pedal€with€his€foot€to€keep€theŠ \  Šwheel€turning€as€he€caressed€the€grey„green€clay.€€I€watched€silently€as€he€formed€his€clay€into€a€water€pitcher.€Š |Ą ŠThough€he€didnššt€speak€I€knew€he€was€making€it€to€replace€one€that€had€fallen€and€broken.€€€Behind€him,Š œą Šagainst€the€wall,€there€was€a€small€house€the€size€of€a€gardening€shed.€€It€had€to€be€the€kiln.€€€Soon€the€monkŠ ¼  Štook€his€pitcher€to€the€kiln€and€then€he€walked€away,€out€of€sight.€€I€was€left€to€sit€in€the€courtyard€alone,€exceptŠ Ü " Šfor€native€trees€and€shrubs€I€did€not€recognize,€and€a€stream€of€water€that€ran€along€the€edges€of€theŠ ü@$ Šcourtyard.€€The€little€stream€rose€and€fell€into€trickling€falls€in€three€places.€€Š `& Šą Ü ąI€could€smell€the€heat€of€the€kiln.€€And€I€could€smell€the€fresh,€tender€life€budding€on€the€trees€in€theŠ <€( Šcourtyard€and€beyond€the€gates€in€the€field€and€up€the€distant€mountains,€or€so€I€thought.€€Š \ * Šą Ü ąņņThe€clay€was€formed€into€a€pitcher.€€Dug€from€the€earth€and€mixed€with€water€to€become€molded.€€PiecesŠ |Ą, Šcut€away€to€be€the€appropriate€size.€€Then€set€inside€the€furnace€to€be€sufficiently€fired€until€it€could€be€useful.€Š ¢ę. ŠA€fire€at€extraordinary€temperatures€flesh€could€not€endure,€but€clay€would€become€perfected.€€Soon€it€wouldŠ Č 0 Šcarry€water€for€washing.€€For€drinking.€€And€soon,€perhaps€centuries,€the€time€would€come€when€this€vesselŠ ī22 Šwould€be€broken€and€returned€to€dust.óóŠ !X4 Šą Ü ąI€took€a€sip€of€the€tea€from€the€cup€still€in€my€hands€and€I€was€back€in€the€small€dark€tea€house.€€TheŠ :"~6 ŠMaster€was€lighting€new€incense,€his€back€to€me.€€Š Z#ž8 Šą Ü ąš šYou€return€only€after€three€days.€€Quick€journey.šš€€Š z$¾ : Šą Ü ąš šThree€days?šš€€I€was€wholly€surprised.€€I€remembered€no€sunset,€no€sunrise.€€No€moon.€€Š š%Ž!< Šą Ü ąš šTell€me€of€your€journey.šš€€Š ŗ&ž"> Šą Ü ąš šI€watched€a€Tibetan€monk€throw€clay€and€put€his€pitcher€in€the€kiln.šš€€Š Ś'$@ Šą Ü ąš šYes,šš€he€said,€coming€to€the€table€across€from€me.€€He€sat€in€full€lotus€on€his€pillow.€€š šAnd€what€of€yourŠ ś(>%B Šjourney?šš€€Š *^&D Šą Ü ąI€looked€into€the€liquid,€my€cup€half€full€and€chilly.€€š šTorn€from€the€earth.€€Subject€to€anotherššs€hands.€Š :+~'F ŠFormed€into€a€useful€pitcher.€€Or€perhaps€a€thing€of€beauty.€€Both.€€Subjected€to€raging€fires.€€Pulled€away€atŠ Z,ž(H Šthe€proper€time.€€Eventually€broken.€€Dust€again.€€Cycle€of€life.€€Rather€easy€and€straightforward€a€lesson.ššŠ z-¾)J Šą Ü ąI€couldnššt€tell€if€I€detected€a€slight€smile€tug€at€one€corner€of€his€mouth.€€š šYou€are€disappointed?ššŠ š.Ž*L Šą Ü ąš šNo,€just...šš€€I€started€to€sip€the€liquid€but€realized€I€might€leave€the€moment€and€I€wanted€to€finish€myŠ ŗ/ž+N Šthought.€€Or€his€thought.€€Something.€€š šI€just€thought€it€would€beš"šš š€I€shrugged€my€shoulders€š šš"šchallenging.€Š ¼ ŠAm€I€awfully€arrogant?ššŠ Ü  Šą Ü ąIt€ņņwasóó€a€small€grin.€€The€twinkle€in€his€eye€revealed€him.€€š šPerhaps€I€will€heat€your€tea.ššŠ ü@ Šą Ü ąš šThank€you.šš€€Š "f Šą Ü ąHe€held€his€sleeve€with€one€hand€and€poured€out€the€fragrant,€steaming€liquid€with€the€other.€€I€stared€intoŠ B† Šhis€expansive€grey€eyes€as€I€sipped€and€was€surrounded€with€pine€trees€and€maples€and€all€those€otherŠ b ¦  Šmagnificent€old€trees€of€Western€North€Carolina€mountains.€€From€the€same€distance€as€in€the€other€space€inŠ ‚ Ę  ŠTibet,€there€was€a€woman€sitting€at€a€potterššs€wheel.€€Her€hair€was€pulled€tight,€back€from€her€face€with€a€fewŠ ¢ ę Šrebellious€strands€tossed€by€the€breeze€and€her€effort€at€the€wheel.€€She€was€dressed€in€the€clothes€seen€in€aŠ Ā   Šmillion€photographs€from€two€hundred€years€ago.€€Dark€heavy€cloth,€apron€or€smock.€€Layers€of€this€crudeŠ ā &  Šfabric€to€stay€warm.€She€also€was€turning€clay€into€a€pitcher€and€eventually€walked€it€to€her€kiln€that€looked€likeŠ F  Ša€small€meat€curing€house.€€She€labored€under€the€weight€of€it,€something€I€had€not€noticed€about€the€monk,Š "f  Šwho€was€younger€and€stronger.Š B†  Šą Ü ąAs€this€woman€formed€the€clay,€I€couldnššt€take€my€eyes€off€her€face.€€I€recognized€it.€€Annie€Ō_ŌOakleyŌ_Ō.€€NotŠ b¦ Šthe€famous€Annie€Ō_ŌOakleyŌ_Ō.€€My€great€Ō_ŌgreatŌ_Ō€grandmother.€€But€everybody€knew€that€by€this€age€Annie€Ō_ŌOakleyŌ_ŌŠ ‚Ę Šwas€crazy€and€ill.€€Bedridden.€€Maybe€this€was€her€Mama.€€Someone€I€knew€nothing€about.€€I€knew€of€AnnieŠ ¢ę Šand€her€illness.€€And€my€grandmotherššs€battles€with€depression.€€And€small€strokes.€€Several€times€takingŠ Ā  Šelectric€shock,€back€when€that€was€like€science€fiction€and€such€an€extreme€form€of€therapy.€€Her€descriptionsŠ ā&" Šof€feeling€drunk€so€many€times.€€Pre„stroke?€€Vertigo?€€Side„effects€from€the€shock?€€Part€of€the€depression?€Š F$ ŠAnd€then€thereššs€Dad.Š "f& Šą Ü ąSo€what€was€I€supposed€to€learn€here€that€I€hadnššt€seen€in€Tibet?€€It€is€all€one€thing?€€I€know€this.€€MyŠ B†( Šdestiny?€€To€be€the€one€who€makes€the€pitcher?€€To€be€the€pitcher?€€That€I€have€a€choice€whether€to€be€theŠ b¦* Špitcher€or€the€pitcher€maker?Š ‚Ę, Šą Ü ąNothing€seemed€particularly€fresh€here.€€Nothing€particularly€new.€€I€was€learning€nothing.€Š ¢ę. Šą Ü ąBut€I€could€hear€the€lines€from€Gerard€Manley€Ō_ŌHopkinŌ_Ōššs€poem€š šGodššs€Grandeuršš;€the€part,€š šGenerationsŠ Ā0 Šhave€trod,€have€trod,€have€trod;€.€.€.€nor€can€foot€feel,€being€shod.šš€€Perhaps€my€feet€were€shod€and€I€simplyŠ ā&2 Šcouldnššt€see€what€I€was€seeing.€€Or€hear€what€I€was€listening€to.€€I€sipped€the€tea.Š !F4 Šą Ü ąš šAgain,€only€three€days.€€You€are€a€quick€student.ššŠ ""f6 Šą Ü ąI€thought€I€heard€irony€in€his€voice.€€I€ignored€him.€€š šFundamental€problem.ššŠ B#†8 Šą Ü ąš šYes?šš€€He€sat€down€across€the€table€from€me€like€before.Š b$¦ : Šą Ü ąš šIššm€looking€for€an€answer€as€if€there€is€an€answer€to€be€found.ššŠ ‚%Ę!< Šą Ü ąš šYes?ššŠ ¢&ę"> Šą Ü ąš šDoes€that€mean€there€is€no€answer?ššŠ Ā'$@ Šą Ü ąš šGood€question.ššŠ ā(&%B Šą Ü ąš šOnly€good€questions,€then?ššŠ *F&D Šą Ü ąš šAh.šš€€He€nodded.€€š šYou€will€be€fine.ššŠ "+f'F Šą Ü ąI€smiled,€pleased€with€the€joke€I€was€about€to€make:€š šDoes€anyone€ever€ask€for€their€money€back?ššŠ B,†(H Šą Ü ąHe€smiled€back€and€one„upped€me:€š šNo€one€ever€pays.€€With€money.ššŠ b-¦)J Šą Ü ąThe€twinkle€in€his€eye€wholly€captivated€me.€€The€worlds€of€fearlessness€and€delight,€like€the€eyes€of€aŠ ‚.Ę*L Šsmall€child.€€Intoxicating.€€There€were€depths€of€intimacy€in€his€look€that€were€inviting€and€while€whollyŠ ¢/ę+N Šmischievous,€his€gaze€was€safe.€€No€judgment.€€No€fear.€€It€was€okay€that€I€had€no€idea€what€he€was€thinking,Š ¼ Šno€idea€what€I€was€learning.Š Ü  Šą Ü ąš šGuess€I€should€be€getting€back.€€See€if€I€still€have€a€job.šš€€I€pulled€an€embarrassingly€crumpled€twentyŠ ü@ Šdollar€bill€from€my€pocket€and€tried€to€smooth€it€out€as€I€shifted€my€weight€to€Ō_ŌunstiffŌ_Ō€my€legs.€€l€put€the€bill€onŠ ` Šthe€table,€picked€up€the€tea€cup€to€finish€her€off€but€noticed€the€Masterššs€smile€and€I€remembered€to€leave€it€beŠ <€ Šfor€now.Š \    Šą Ü ąš šThank€you,šš€I€said.€€He€bowed€slightly€toward€me.€€š šIššll€be€back€soon.ššŠ | Ą  Šą Ü ąš šThree€days.ššŠ œ ą Šą Ü ąI€swear€thatššs€what€I€heard€him€say€but€I€would€also€swear€he€said€nothing.Š ¼  Šą Ü ąš šJai€Ō_ŌjienŌ_Ō,šš€he€said€quietly.€š šSee€you€again.ššŠ Ü  Šą Ü ąI€walked€through€the€rattling€bambooš"šsuch€a€great€soundš"šand€into€the€alley.Š ü@  Šą Ü ąThe€moon€caught€my€eye.€€In€the€exact€same€place€in€the€sky€as€when€Iššd€entered€the€house.€€Pale€inŠ `  Šshadow.€€A€bright€gold€hand€of€light€cupped€its€cheek€like€a€mother€caressing€her€babyššs€face.€.€.€.€€So€what€didŠ <€  Šthe€three€days€mean?€€Three€days€mentioned€three€times,€in€fact.€.€.€.Š \  Šą Ü ąAs€I€walked€the€two€and€a€half€miles€home€under€the€chilly€moon,€I€began€to€release€the€evening€intoŠ |Ą Šobservation.€€I€wanted€to€practice,€to€stay€out€of€my€head.€€To€watch€and€listen€and€allow€whatššs€inside€me€toŠ œą Šrise€up.€€After€a€bit,€about€half€way€home,€I€wondered€if€the€lesson€had€more€to€do€with€trusting€the€Master€andŠ ¼  Šhis€tea€without€any€preconceived€ideas€or€expectations.€€How€in€the€world€did€the€water€pitcher€fit€into€all€that?€€Š Ü " Šą Ü ąI€rounded€the€corner€and€the€trees€in€the€neighborhood€were€larger€and€older.€€š šThree€days,šš€I€said€underŠ ü@$ Šmy€breath.Š `& ŠŌ‡ī\ØīõõÅŪŌą@  ģą*€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€*€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€*Ō#†õÅŪõīī\ØØB#ԈŠ <€( Šą Ü ąI€awoke€one€morning€realizing€that€š šthree€daysšš€meant€simply€š šat€the€proper€timeššš"šthe€idea€is€one€ofŠ ņ6* Šcompletion.€€Fullness.€€What€was€tagging€in€the€back€of€my€mind,€of€course,€was€the€whole€crucifixionŠ V, Šthingš"šdie€and€then€in€three€days,€rise€again.€€I€refused€to€allow€into€my€consciousness€any€kind€of€hint€atŠ 2v. Šsome€obnoxious€martyr€thing€or€equating€a€journey€and€time€warp...thing...to€something€so€deeply€profoundŠ R–0 Šand€eternally€significant.€€By€avoiding€that€whole€issue€somehow€the€relevance€was€free€to€rise€within€me.€Š r ¶2 ŠThree€days.€€It€is€time.€€But€of€course,€ironically,€though€the€concept€of€three€holds€power€in€many€religions€asŠ ’!Ö4 Šwell€as€mechanical€engineering,€magic,€comedy...the€only€way€three€days€had€even€this€significance€for€meŠ ²"ö6 Šwas€because€of€Jesusšš€death€and€resurrection.Š Ņ# 8 Šą Ü ąTime€to€visit€Master€Tzu€Ō_ŌYuehŌ_Ō€again.€€It€had€been€a€week€and€I€was€ready€to€hear€and€see€more,€so€threeŠ ņ$6!: Šdays€must€be€up.Š &V"< Šą Ü ąThis€time€it€was€late€afternoon€and€the€sun€low€on€the€horizon€looked€more€like€some€horrible,€gapingŠ 2'v#> Šwound€than€a€tranquil€sunset.€€Our€hunger€for€power€and€impatience€are€making€it€harder€and€harder€for€theŠ R(–$@ Špure€colors€of€original€time€and€space€to€shine.€€But€I€digress.€€I€rounded€the€corner,€through€the€arcade€andŠ r)¶%B Šinto€the€dining€room,€crossed€it€quietly€but€when€I€came€to€the€bamboo,€little€China€was€gone.€€Walls€and€floorŠ ’*Ö&D Šwere€grey€and€metal€cabinets€were€everywhere,€stocked€with€huge€canisters€and€burlap€bagsš"šit€was€aŠ ²+ö'F Šstorage€room€for€the€restaurant.€€Not€a€trace€of€Master€Tzu€Ō_ŌYuehŌ_Ō€or€his€herbs.Š Ņ,)H Šą Ü ąš šYouššre€not€supposed€to€be€back€here,€Miss,šš€said€a€huge€guy€with€a€Ō_ŌpillsburyŌ_Ō€dough€boy€suit€on.Š ņ-6*J Šą Ü ąI€simply€pointed€into€the€room.€€š šWhereššs€Master€Ō_ŌTsuŌ_Ō?€€The€herbs€and€tea€and€stuff?ššŠ /V+L Šą Ü ąš šOh.šš€€He€relaxed€somewhat.€€š šYeah,€he€said€somebody€would€come€today€looking€for€him.šš€€He€glancedŠ 20v,N Šaround€a€shelf€by€the€door.€€š šHere€it€is.šš€€He€handed€me€an€envelope.€€š šBut€I€gotta€ask€you€to€leave.€€CanšštŠ ¼ Šhave€customers€back€here,€Miss.€€Regulations.ššŠ Ü  Šą Ü ąI€didnššt€bother€to€retort.Š ü@ Šą Ü ąMeandering€slowly€and€dangerously€through€the€dining€room,€I€opened€the€envelope€and€puzzled€over€theŠ ` Šcontents.€€It€was€a€recipe.€€š šTake€5€chamomile€leaves,€2€bunches€of€jasmine€leaves€and€flowers,€1€teaspoon€ofŠ <€ Šfinely€chopped€ginger€root€and€place€in€Ō_ŌteabagŌ_Ō.€€Add€boiling€water€and€let€steep€for€10„15€minutes.šš€€Š \    Šą Ü ąFortunately€I€had€jasmine€growing€in€my€herb€garden€and€plenty€of€ginger€root€because€thatššs€a€stapleŠ | Ą  Šcooking€ingredient€for€me,€keeps€the€tummy€aches€away.€€But€chamomile€leaves€I€didnššt€have.€€Grocery€storeŠ œ ą Šis€about€two€blocks€off€the€path€home€and€so€I€decided€to€stop€in€there€and€find€some€chamomile.Š ¼  Šą Ü ąWhen€I€got€home,€I€followed€the€directions€and€took€the€steeping€teapot€out€to€the€back€porch.€€I€sat,€asŠ Ü  Šusual,€half„lotus€on€the€lounge€chair€and€took€a€sip€of€the€tea€that€smelled€so€Ō_ŌjasmineyŌ_Ō!€€The€room€wasŠ ü@  Špredominately€pale€blue€with€slightly€darker€blue€carpeting.€€I€faced€a€mirror€which€reflected€me€in€the€sameŠ `  Šroom€but€I€was€in€the€throes€of€activity.€€I€watched€for€I€donššt€know€how€longš"šlong€enough€to€see€me€write,Š <€  Šfeed€the€plants,€take€a€few€phone€calls,€straighten€up€the€room.€€I€wasnššt€at€homeš"šthe€place€was€more€like€aŠ \  Šhotel€suite€with€muted€pastel€colors,€yet€having€plants€to€water€certainly€spoke€to€some€responsibility,€a€type€ofŠ |Ą Šownership.€€Kind€of€like€a€dream€where€certain€elements€fit€or€make€sense€right€away€and€certain€things€donššt.Š œą Šą Ü ąAs€I€watched€these€rather€uneventful€or€even€mundane€activities€I€began€to€realize€that€the€me€that€wasŠ ¼  Šwatching€was€the€reflection.€€I€was€the€reflection€watching€me.€€I€wasnššt€who€I€am.€€The€thought€stirredŠ Ü " Šsomething€deep.€€A€disconcerting€nagging€that€I€was€separate€from€myself.€€Disconnected.€€I€Ō_ŌscootchedŌ_Ō€acrossŠ ü@$ Šthe€floor,€a€kind€of€butt„walk€so€I€wouldnššt€have€to€get€up,€and€got€as€close€to€the€mirror€as€I€could,€mashed€myŠ `& Šknees€against€it.Š <€( Šą Ü ąI€donššt€know€when€or€how€it€started€or€where€it€was€coming€fromš"šsuddenness€was€in€the€moment€ofŠ \ * Šawareness€but€the€music€had€been€playing€for€some€time.€€Such€beautiful€music.€€Swelled€inside€like€warmthŠ |Ą, Šand€enveloped€meš"šas€if€I€were€surrounded€by€the€orchestraš"šviolins,€percussion,€Italian€lyrics€in€three„quarterŠ œą. Štime€and€the€trill€of€a€gut€string€guitar.€€Wholly€swallowed€into€the€rhythm,€I€felt€it€all€and€mostly€in€that€placeŠ ¼0 Šdown€in€your€throatš"šthat€place,€where,€when€you€swallow€a€capsule€and€it€doesnššt€go€all€the€way€down€andŠ Ü 2 Šyou€can€almost€touch€it€in€that€little€hammock€of€flesh€at€the€crown€of€your€collar€boneš"šthatššs€where€I€wasš"šIŠ ü @4 Šhad€gotten€stuck€in€my€own€throat€swallowed€by€plush€string€and€percussion€and€the€voice€of€Josh€Brogan,Š "`6 Šdeep€and€rich,€cosmic€and€primitive€and€refined.Š <#€8 Šņņą Ü ąFeeling.€€A€genuine€feeling.€€It€had€been€how€long€since€a€feeling€had€actually€moved€her?€€Not€sentiment,Š \$  : Šnot€self„pity,€not€nostalgia.€€It€was€the€welling€up€of€joy€and€sorrow.€€A€true€pain.€€And€pleasure€reaching€to€theŠ ‚%Ę!< Šcore€of€her.€€The€quickening€of€a€child€after€conception.€€New€life.€€This€is€why€she€had€avoided€music€for€theseŠ Ø&ģ"> Šseveral€years.€€This€is€why€she€had€avoided€mirrors€for€years,€the€broken€image€of€disappointment€and€choicesŠ Ī'$@ Šnot€made€or€unmade€or€otherwise€not€taken€and€not€given.€€Because€sometimes€what€you€see€in€a€mirror€is€theŠ ō(8%B Šdarkened€image€of€what€is€almost€there,€longed€for€in€the€depth€of€human€nature€but€never€believed€in€theŠ *^&D Šindividual€permission€to€dream.€€A€mirror€can€never€wholly€reflect€the€dream.€€And€neither€can€the€eyes€ofŠ @+„'F Šsomeone€other€than€the€one€you€thought€you€knew.€€And€so€she€had€avoided€the€eyes€of€strangers,€ofŠ f,Ŗ(H Šacquaintances,€of€family,€and€most€of€all,€of€.€.€.€óóŠ Œ-Š)J Šą Ü ąDarkness€had€grown€and€overwhelmed€the€light€and€the€music€had€faded€to€stillness.€€Only€presence€wasŠ ².ö*L Šleft.€€The€breathing€of€letting€go.€€And€letting€in.€€I€once€again€inhabited€myself.€€Once€again€connected€to€theŠ Ņ/,N Šdepths€of€my€lost€desire€to€be€connected.€€I€have€always€been€here.€€My€fingers€lightly€stroked€my€face,Š ¼ Šeyebrows€down€to€my€chin€and€I€yawned.€€Reconnected€to€the€universe.€€Reconnected€to€the€center€of€theŠ Ü  Šearth.€€This€is€what€it€is€to€be€š šwith€God.šš€€This€is€what€it€is€to€be.€€To€be€here.€€To€be€now.€€Open€again.€€To€theŠ ü@ Špossibilities.€€To€the€intimacies.€€To€the€dreams.€€To€the€failures.Š ` Šą Ü ąI€heard€liquid€poured€into€a€cup€and€smelled€the€aroma€of€my€hot€Ō_ŌjasmineyŌ_Ō€tea.€€The€pouring€stopped€and€IŠ <€ Špicked€up€the€cup€as€if€I€could€see€it€and€before€sipping,€said,€š šThank€you,šš€to€the€darkness.Š \    Šą Ü ąš šYou€are€welcome,šš€Master€Tzu€Ō_ŌYuehŌ_Ō€said€quietly€and€the€sip€brought€me€to€his€courtyard.€€I€sat€on€aŠ | Ą  Šbridge€over€a€lively€yet€peaceful€creek€under€my€beloved€banyan€trees€under€whose€canopies€and€amongŠ œ ą Šwhose€roots€small€houses€made€of€wood€and€rice€paper€window€panels€had€tops€that€looked€something€likeŠ ¼  Šgazebos€but€with€a€slight€curl€off€each€beam.€€They€all€seemed€to€hover€above€the€water€about€six€inchesš"štheŠ Ü  Šwater€didnššt€just€flow€up€to€the€buildings,€it€flowed€underneath€them.Š ü@  Šą Ü ąMaster€Tzu€Ō_ŌYuehŌ_Ō€sat€facing€me,€full€lotus€on€his€pillow,€but€I€could€feel€the€cool,€wooden€slats€through€myŠ `  Šjeans.€€As€I€was€looking€around€at€all€the€beauty€reflecting€peace,€he€gazed€steadily€at€me.€€Not€judging,€notŠ <€  Šanalyzing,€just€waiting.€€Fully€present.Š \  Šą Ü ąI€allowed€my€eyes€to€rest,€finally,€though€shyly,€on€his.€€He€smiled€tenderly.Š |Ą Šą Ü ąš šThree€days,šš€I€said.Š œą Šą Ü ąš šRelease€what€is€within€you€and€what€is€within€you€will€save€you.ššŠ ¼  Šą Ü ąš šHold€on€to€what€is€within€you,€and€what€is€within€you€will€destroy€you,šš€I€completed€the€gong„an.Š Ü " Šą Ü ąš šTry€to€save€your€own€life€and€you€risk€losing€it.ššŠ ü@$ Šą Ü ąš šLet€it€go.€€And€live.ššŠ `& Šą Ü ąš šThree€days€in€the€belly€of€the€earth.ššŠ <€( Šą Ü ąš šThree€days€in€the€depths€of€the€ocean.ššŠ \ * Šą Ü ąš šRise€again€to€walk€in€newness€of€life.ššŠ |Ą, Šą Ü ąš šAll€that€is€within€you.ššŠ œą. ŠŌ‡ī\ØīõõÅŪŌą@  ģą*€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€*€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€*Ō#†õÅŪõīī\Øŗj#ԈŠ ¼0 Šą Ü ąWalking€into€a€dark€cave€without€a€flashlight€is€undeniably€a€stupid€and€dangerous€thing.€€So€why€sip€theŠ r ¶2 Štea?€I€stared€at€my€tea€cup.€€Light€shone€through€the€rice€pattern.€€If€Iššm€not€mistaken,€thatššs€a€test€for€whetherŠ ’!Ö4 Šor€not€itššs€bone€china.€€Something€like€that.€€The€heat€of€the€tea€through€the€cup€felt€really€good€to€my€chillyŠ ²"ö6 Šfingers.€€And€there€is€nothing€like€the€smell€of€jasmine,€except,€of€course,€the€taste.€€But€back€to€my€question.€€IŠ Ņ# 8 Šknew€I€had€already€taken€several€trips€with€the€assistance€of€Master€Tzu€Ō_ŌYuehŌ_Ō.€€But€this€time€I€simply€made€theŠ ņ$6!: Štea.€€I€wondered€if€it€had€the€same€properties€when€it€was€made€randomly€like€this.€€Š &V"< Šą Ü ąThe€other€concern€I€had€was€this€feeling€inside€me€like€I€had€to€find€out.€€I€had€to€go.€€I€had€to€drink€the€tea.€Š 2'v#> ŠI€had€to€.€.€.€€It€was€the€š šhave€tošš€that€smacked€something€of€an€addiction.€€I€heard€somebody€say€once€that€theŠ R(–$@ Šproblem€with€addiction€is€that€it€fosters€dependency€and€dependency€is€always€weak.€€Š r)¶%B Šą Ü ąWhat€the€hell.€€I€sipped€the€tea.€€Everything€went€dark.€€The€seat€underneath€me€felt€like€rock.€€I€couldnšštŠ ’*Ö&D Šsee€my€hand€in€front€of€my€face.€€Kept€lifting€my€eyebrows€and€widening€my€eyes€but€all€I€could€see€wereŠ ²+ö'F Šthose€little€star€like€effects€from€the€back€of€my€eyelids,€but€my€eyes€were€wide€open.€And€the€air€was€dampŠ Ņ,)H Šcold,€open€in€a€way€that€I€knew€there€was€expanse,€but€I€also€knew€the€place€was€enclosed.€€I€couldnššt€breatheŠ ņ-6*J Šdeeply€because€the€air€had€the€stench€of€heavy€wet€root€and€slime.€€A€cave€without€a€flashlight.€€Š /V+L Šą Ü ąš šThat€was€supposed€to€be€rhetorical,šš€I€sang€out€and€my€words€were€loud€and€flat.€€So€the€space€wasŠ 20v,N Šsmaller€than€the€echoing€chamber€I€had€initially€assumed€it€was.Š ¼ Šą Ü ąThe€rock€I€was€on€trembled€and€knocked€the€teacup€out€of€my€hand,€but€I€didnššt€hear€it€land€anywhere.€Š Ü  ŠņņThis€is€not€goodóó,€I€thought.€€I€uncurled€my€legs,€trying€to€gain€balance€in€the€jousting.€€And€suddenly€in€front€ofŠ ü@ Šme€opened€an€eyeball.€€A€very€large€eyeball.€€Looking€at€me.€€š šA€dragon,šš€I€said.€€Š "f Šą Ü ąš šI€know€what€this€is,šš€I€said€to€the€eyeball.€€š šYou€are€from€the€inner€depths€of€me.€€Therefore€you€cannot€beŠ B† Šany€more€real€than€what€I€believe€you€to€be.€€And€I€do€not€believeš"šš š€I€stopped€dead.€€I€couldnššt€lie.€€š šDamn.€€IŠ b ¦  Šņņdoóó€believe€in€dragons.ššŠ ‚ Ę  Šą Ü ąš šI€know,šš€the€dragon€said.€€š šAnd€you€believe€in€the€darknessš"š.ššŠ Ø ģ Šą Ü ąI€thought€he€was€going€to€say€more,€but€he€didnššt.€€He€closed€his€eye.€€Darkness€again.€€I€wondered€how,€orŠ Č  Šwhy€I€could€see€his€eye€open€when€I€couldnššt€see€anything€else.Š č ,  Šą Ü ąš šDragon?šš€€I€asked.€€No€answer.Š L  Šą Ü ąI€tried€to€stand€up.€€Standing€up€in€the€darkness€felt€precarious.€€As€I€took€a€step€forward,€certain€Iššd€fall€offŠ (l  Ša€cliff,€the€dragon€unwound€itself€and€I€fell€off€the€part€of€him€Iššd€been€sitting€on.€€€I€landed€in€the€basin€of€a€lushŠ HŒ  Švalley,€the€mountains€around€which€were€illumined€by€such€a€bright,€crisp€light,€I€knew€I€wasnššt€on€earth.€€AtŠ h¬ Šleast€the€parts€of€the€earth€Iššd€been€on.€€ņņThose€who€walk€in€darkness€will€see€a€great€light€.€.€.óó€I€rememberedŠ ˆĢ Šfrom€an€ancient€story.Š ®ņ Šą Ü ąThe€dragon€was€gone,€but€I€didnššt€see€him€leave.€€It€occurred€to€me€that€he€may€have€broken€my€fall€fromŠ Ī  Šthe€original€transition.€€Falling€off€his€back€was€not€as€bad€as€falling€down€through€this€valley€could€have€been,Š ī2" Šthough€my€jeans€were€torn€on€one€side€with€my€leg€scratched€up,€and€my€ribs€felt€a€bit€bruised.€€The€heel€of€myŠ R$ Šhand€was€also€scratched.€€Oddly,€I€didnššt€feel€any€pain€other€than€a€slight€stinging.€€Š .r& Šą Ü ąI€stood€up,€stretching,€and€then€bent€at€the€waist€to€stretch€down€to€my€feet.€€There€was€my€teacup,€brokenŠ N’( Šinto€three€pieces.€€š šGreat,šš€I€muttered.Š n²* Šą Ü ąAs€I€reached€for€one€of€the€pieces,€I€became€aware€of€giggles,€or€some€kind€of€gentle€laughter.€€It€wasŠ ŽŅ, Šwater.€€I€looked€around€to€find€the€sound.€€Three€small€waterfalls€streamed€down€the€side€of€the€mountain€thatŠ ®ņ. Šformed€this€cove.€€A€pool€collected€at€the€bottom,€just€a€few€feet€away.Š Ī0 Šą Ü ąOne€stream€fell€down€over€dark€blue€rock€that€shimmered€in€the€sun.€€She€said,€š šOnce€there€was€aŠ ī22 Šmusician€who€recognized€the€power€of€his€music.€€He€could€tame€the€anxious€spirits€within€him€and€withinŠ !R4 Šanyone€who€could€hear€his€music.€€They€say€he€soothed€the€heart€of€a€vicious,€angry,€vengeful€king.€€They€sayŠ ."r6 Šhis€music€was€the€bringing€of€healing€angels€who€touched€the€deep€emotional€and€psychological€wounds€ofŠ N#’8 Šdangerous€men.€€What€you€havenššt€found€yet€is€the€healing€power€of€your€stories.ššŠ n$² : Šą Ü ąI€sat€down.€€A€talking€waterfall.€€This€was€better€than€the€talking€dragon.€€I€didnššt€know€I€believed€that€waterŠ Ž%Ņ!< Šcould€talk.€€I€laughed.€€Of€ņņcourseóó€water€can€talk!€€If€I€can€talk,€water€can€talk.Š ®&ņ"> Šą Ü ąš šYou€have€glimpsed€it.€€You€have€taught€it,€š š€the€second€waterfall€said,€streaming€down€black€onyx.€€HerŠ Ō'$@ Švoice€was€deeper,€older.€€š šYou€remember€the€story€of€Ō_ŌSumuluŌ_Ō€islandš"šwhen€you€see€the€water€recede€fromŠ ō(8%B Šthe€land€far€beyond€its€custom,€when€you€feel€the€tremble€of€the€earth€and€hear€the€constant€roar€of€someŠ *X&D Šunnatural€beast,€do€not€hesitate,€but€take€the€children€and€run€for€high€ground,€and€donššt€stop€until€you€are€asŠ 4+x'F Šhigh€and€as€far€from€the€ocean€as€you€can€be.€€This€is€the€ancient€story€that€saved€the€people€of€Ō_ŌSumuluŌ_Ō€islandŠ T,˜(H Šduring€the€2004€tsunami.ššŠ t-ø)J Šą Ü ąThe€third€waterfall€whetted€limestone,€and€must€have€been€the€one€who€had€giggled€earlier€when€I€foundŠ ”.Ų*L Šthe€broken€teacup.€€š šStories€save€lives.€€Isnššt€that€why€the€Christians€record€their€Messiah€as€the€Word€of€God?€Š “/ų+N ŠWasnššt€he€a€story€teller?€€A€carpenter€of€words€and€builder€of€lives?€€Do€not€doubt€the€need€within€you€to€followŠ ¼ Šthe€words.€To€drink€the€tea.€€Some€call€this€dependency.€€You€are€dependent€on€water€and€sunlight.€€You€areŠ Ü  Šdependent€on€air€and€friendship.€€Your€purpose€is€to€write€the€story€that€flows€beyond€your€consciousness,Š ü@ Šbeyond€your€intention.€€You€are€only€in€control€of€the€ņņyesóó€that€is€the€sip€of€tea,€the€adventure€will€lay€itself€outŠ ` Šbefore€you.ššŠ B† Šą Ü ąMy€throat€and€stomach€were€as€tight€as€their€water€was€loose€and€flowing.€€I€couldnššt€resist€the€few€tearsŠ b ¦  Šthat€fell€down€my€cheeks.€€Couldnššt€look€long€enough,€hard€enough,€lovingly€enough€at€these€three€gorgeousŠ ‚ Ę  Šwaterfalls.€€And€all€their€water€continued€to€flow€into€the€pond.€€I€crawled€over€to€its€edge,€whose€bank€was€asŠ ¢ ę Šsolid€and€grassy€soft€as€the€rest€of€the€ground,€and€looked€in.€€The€water€moved€gently,€stirred€by€the€threeŠ Ā   Šwaterfalls.€€But€I€could€see€my€face€reflected€in€the€water.€€A€tear€fell€and€made€a€tiny€circle.€€Like€the€otherŠ ā &  Šwaterfalls.Š F  Šą Ü ąOf€course€I€had€to€touch€it.€€I€slowly€lowered€my€hand€in€before€I€realized€I€had€to€touch€it.€€It€was€cool€andŠ "f  Šclean€and€somehow€felt€like€life€itself.€€I€lifted€it€to€my€lips€and€sipped.Š B†  Šą Ü ąAnd€arrived€safely€back€to€the€beach€near€my€home.€€Here€was€my€ocean,€my€sand.€€My€sunlight.€€MyŠ b¦ Šnotebook€and€my€pen.€€I€started€writing€thin€black€words€between€faded€green€lines€on€yellow€notebook€paper.€Š ‚Ę ŠņņAll€that€is€within€you.óóŠ ¢ę ŠĢĢĢņņThe€CanyonŠ (l& ŠĢóóą Ü ąAnd€so€I€wrote.€€And€then€I€stopped€writing.€€Because€the€words€stopped€coming.€€What€about€the€pitcher?€Š tø* ŠThe€thought€and€memory€interrupted€me.€€I€realized€I€had€forgotten€about€that€image.Š ”Ų, Šą Ü ąš šŌ_ŌEEEEEEeeeeŌ_Ō€gads!šš€a€voice€echoed€around€underneath€the€umbrella.€€The€sun€had€gotten€hot€out€hereŠ “ų. Šon€the€beach€and€so€I€had€put€up€the€umbrella.€€š šItššs€not€about€the€ņņpitcheróó,€you€creep.€€Itššs€about€the€water.šš€€Š Ō0 Šą Ü ąI€wondered€how€I€could€see€animated€gestures€when€I€saw€nothing€but€heard€this€voice.€€It€was€as€if€theŠ ś>2 Švoice€had€shoulders€that€scrunched€and€hands€that€flailed€together€and€apart€and€cupped€in€the€air€as€ifŠ !^4 Špointing€to€something€else.€€š šItššs€about€the€water.€€The€ņņwateróó.€€If€you€are€a€pitcher,€A€ņņstorytelleróó,šš€the€voiceŠ :"~6 Šlooked€at€me€condescendingly,€š šthen€it€doesnššt€matter€about€the€pitcher.€€I€mean€it€matters.€€I€mean€ņņwhatóóŠ `#¤8 Šmatters€is€that€you€are€carrying€the€water.€€The€water€takes€your€shape,€okay,€but€itššs€the€ņņwateróó€that€matters.šš€€Š †$Ź : Šą Ü ąI€must€have€had€a€blank€look€on€my€face€because€the€voice€went€blank,€too,€trying€to€figure€out€how€toŠ ¬%š!< Šmake€it€clear€to€me.€€I€heard€it€sigh€deeply.€€š šYou€are€the€storyteller.€€The€story€is€the€water.€€If€you€are€aŠ Ģ&#> Šstoryteller€it€is€your€responsibility€to€carry€the€water€and€then€pour€the€water€out€into€the€teacups€so€that€otherŠ ģ'0$@ Špeople€can€drink€the€water€and€go€where€they€need€to€go€to€be€who€they€need€to€be€because€they€are€shapedŠ  )P%B Šby€your€story€and€every€pitcher€has€water€to€pour€do€you€get€it€now?ššŠ ,*p&D Šą Ü ąThe€voice€was€really€in€my€face,€eyeball€to€eyeball€and€so€I€refrained€from€pointing€out€the€lack€ofŠ L+'F Šcommas€in€its€last€statement.Š l,°(H Šą Ü ąAnd€then€the€voice€disappeared€because€the€voice€had€no€place€else€to€go.Š Œ-Š)J Šą Ü ąI€sipped€water€from€my€bottle,€having€buried€it€in€the€cooler€depths€of€sand.€€The€ocean€waves€crashedŠ ¬.š*L Šlittle€crashes€near€my€feet.Š Ģ/,N Šą Ü ąBut€if€I€could€write€the€stories€of€other€characters€and€their€lives€and€changes€because€of€the€tea,€wouldnšštŠ ¼ Šthat€be€impossible€to€do€in€the€same€way€that€I€had€just€experienced€this€all€myself?Š Ü  Šą Ü ąSilence.Š ü@ Šą Ü ąIsnššt€it€impossible€to€write€the€life€of€another€character€without€becoming€the€character€first?€€In€order€toŠ ` Šwrite€the€story€of€a€murderer€I€have€to€become€the€murderer?Š <€ Šą Ü ąI€watched€a€crab€about€the€size€of€my€fist€peek€its€pale€yellow€eyes€out€of€its€hole€that€seemed€too€smallŠ \    Šfor€what€I€saw€pull€itself€out.€€Iššm€pretty€sure€that€he€saw€me€and€was€keeping€its€funny€little€antenna€eyes€onŠ | Ą  Šme€as€it€went€about€its€business,€which€at€the€moment€seemed€to€be€to€walk€sideways€across€the€tiny€little€footŠ œ ą Šdunes€toward€the€water€but€then€a€beach€walker€came€too€close€and€the€crab€scurried€back€down€its€hole,Š ¼  Šleaving€one€claw€and€one€eye€out€to€monitor€the€situation.€€Then€it€turned€its€one€eyeball€at€me.€€And€then€itŠ Ü  Šraised€its€eyebrow€at€me.€€I€know,€crabs€donššt€have€eyebrows.€€Thatššs€particularly€why€I€noticed€that€this€crabŠ ü@  Šraised€his€eyebrow€at€me.Š `  Šą Ü ąSo.€I€donššt€have€to€become€the€crab,€I€merely€have€to€observe€the€crab€and€record€what€I€see.€€I€do€haveŠ <€  Što€identify€with€the€crab,€though,€right?€€The€crab€was€already€gone,€back€down€his€hole.€€Š \  Šą Ü ąFive€sandpipers€came€into€view,€sharing€the€colors€of€the€sand€and€the€darker€weeds€behind€us.€€TheyŠ |Ą Šmoved€those€scissor€legs€faster€than€anything€Iššve€seen€other€than€a€hummingbirdššs€wings€in€flight.€€These€littleŠ œą Špipers€followed€each€foaming€edge€of€water€in€and€out€from€the€beach,€pecking€once€in€awhile€into€the€sand€forŠ ¼  Ša€bite€of€whatever€those€tiny€little€crabby€things€are€they€like€to€eat.Š Ü " Šą Ü ąI€flipped€over€a€sheet€of€yellow€notebook€paper,€mindlessly€clicking€my€black€ink€pen€in€and€out,€a€habit€IŠ ü@$ Šhad€before€beginning€to€write€again,€and€then€poised€the€pen€at€the€top€left€line€of€my€paper€resting€on€myŠ `& Šknee€as€I€rested€on€the€short€beach€chair€under€the€rainbow€colored€umbrella€beside€the€ocean,€midmorningŠ <€( Šhot€sun€beating€all€around€me€but€not€on€me.€€Poised€pen€ready.€€Waiting.€€I€know€thereššs€a€character€in€myŠ \ * Špitcher€just€waiting€to€be€poured€out.€€Waiting.€€I€was€the€one€waiting.€.€.€.€€Waiting.€.€.€.€€Š |Ą, ŠĢą Ü ąš šShit,šš€she€said€under€her€breath,€looking€at€her€watch.€€ņņHe€doesnššt€give€a€damn€about€me.€€One€moreŠ ¼0 Šminute€and€then€Iššm€leaving.óó€€All€around€her€the€traffic€flowed€in€rhythm€of€Ō_ŌunmeteredŌ_Ō€precision€coming€andŠ ā&2 Šgoing€and€passing€without€engaging,€a€perfectly€choreographed€movement€of€cars€passing€cars€and€peopleŠ !L4 Šwalking,€passing€other€people€coming€toward€them€and€none€colliding.€€A€marvel€of€impenetrable€objectsŠ ("l6 Šnever€ricocheting€or€connecting€just€ever€gliding€past€and€around€on€their€way€to€some€destination€other€thanŠ H#Œ8 Šthe€place€they€found€themselves€in.€€Š h$¬ : Šą Ü ąShe€looked€through€this€movement€without€perceiving€it€on€any€level€other€than€the€irritation€of€none€ofŠ ˆ%Ģ!< Šthose€people€being€him€and€none€of€those€cars€being€his.€€The€darkness€had€grown€darker€as€she€waited€atŠ Ø&ģ"> Šthis€table€in€the€bay€window€of€what€had€been€their€favorite€caf€but€was€quickly€becoming€a€hated€placeŠ Č' $@ Šbecause€of€his€delay€and€her€certainty€that€this€is€how€heššd€always€treated€her,€without€regard€to€her€feelings,Š č(,%B Šas€if€her€time€was€not€as€important€as€his.€€Her€thoughts€streamed€without€a€pause.Š *L&D Šą Ü ąThe€waiter€gently€whispered,€š šMay€I€get€you€something€else,€while€you€wait?šš€€The€waiter€must€have€feltŠ (+l'F Šher€anxiety€though€he€knew€it€was€only€ten€past€seven€and€the€traffic€on€Saturday€night€at€this€hour€wasŠ H,Œ(H Šimpenetrable€for€anyone€trying€to€get€anywhere.€€She€glanced€up€at€him.€€š šJust€bring€me€another€diet€coke.šš€Š h-¬)J ŠShe€wasnššt€finished€with€the€first€one€but€she€couldnššt€think€of€anything€else€to€say.Š ˆ.Ģ*L Šą Ü ąShe€looked€back€out€the€window.€€Thoughts€streamed€but€collided€into€doubts€replaying€other€times€whenŠ Ø/ģ+N Šhe€had€said€one€thing€and€things€seemed€to€evolve€into€meaning€something€else.€€Like€that€time€.€.€.€š"šshe€hadŠ ¼ Štrouble€focusing€in€on€a€time€that€was€worthy€of€such€suspicion€so€she€played€through€random€moments€as€ifŠ Ü  Šshe€were€fingering€through€a€coin€purse€looking€for€a€dime€among€nickels€and€pennies.€€There€was€that€time€heŠ ü@ Šhad€promisedš"š.€€It€was€no€use,€another€penny.€€Š ` Šą Ü ąThere€were€now€two€diet€cokes€by€her€knife€and€spoon€and€she€had€no€recollection€of€the€returning€waiter.Š <€ ŠFifteen€minutes€late.€€Maybe€she€should€leave.€She€looked€at€the€menu€facing€the€empty€seat€across€from€herŠ \    Šand€heard€words€sheššd€said€to€him.€€She€shook€her€head€as€she€heard€her€memory€remind€her€of€the€breezeŠ | Ą  Šthat€had€lightly€touched€her€bare€arms€and€the€cool€of€the€railing€along€the€porch€where€they€had€stood€togetherŠ œ ą Šat€the€edge€of€the€cliff€looking€down€into€the€canyon.€€It€was€such€a€hot€day€but€the€air€itself€had€a€crispness€to€itŠ ¼  Šthat€freed€it€from€any€weight€of€heat.€€A€dryness€had€filled€the€lungs€with€clean€intoxicating€air.€€The€altitudeŠ Ü  Šhelped€with€that€and€he€stood€alongside€her€and€they€were€simply€there,€enjoying€the€expanse€of€golden€redŠ ü@  Šearthly€beauty,€the€cliff€in€ridges€trailing€down€into€this€canyon.€€The€train€below€writhed€like€a€black€snake,Š `  Šweaving€its€way€alongside€its€river€companion.€€She€had€felt€full€of€companionship€and€satiated€longing€that€heŠ <€  Šwas€indeed€her€best€and€most€trusted€friend€and€this€is€what€she€had€told€him,€those€green€eyes€of€his€smilingŠ \  Šback€at€her€and€she€had€believed€him€when€he€merely€smiled€and€said€heššd€never€felt€as€completely€whole€asŠ |Ą Šwhen€they€were€together€like€this.€€She€crossed€that€line€of€trusting€his€presence€on€this€high€ridge€and€hadŠ œą Šleaned€forward€just€enough€for€him€to€lean€back€and€put€his€arm€around€her.Š ¼  Šą Ü ąShe€popped€out€of€the€trance€because€the€ache€in€her€throat€wouldnššt€let€her€remember€where€her€trustŠ Ü " Šhad€led€her€which€she€realized€was€to€this€place€right€here€and€right€now€waiting€for€him€to€come€and€doubtingŠ ü@$ Šthat€he€would.€€All€the€doubts€of€everything€that€had€ever€hurt€her€rushed€through€her€as€she€picked€up€the€firstŠ `& Šdiet€coke€and€sucked€it€down€through€the€straw.€€Sucked€it€hard€as€burning€tears€cursed€her€face€with€theŠ <€( Šbetrayal€of€feeling€disappointed€and€turning€quickly€into€anger€that€it€was€all€her€fault€for€ever€believing€thatŠ \ * Šanyone,€especially€someone€like€Finn€could€ever€really€be€there.€€This€was€absurd.€€She€sucked€watery€air€andŠ |Ą, Šput€down€the€empty€glass.€€Š œą. Šą Ü ąShe€pulled€a€wad€of€cash€out€of€her€front€pocket€and€counted€out€a€five€and€two€ones,€slammed€them€onŠ ¼0 Šthe€table,€lifted€her€jacket€off€the€back€of€the€chair€and€left.Š Ü 2 ŠĢą@¶¶$ģą*€€€€€*€€€€€*ˆŠ "`6 ŠĢą Ü ąņņThatššs€it?€€óóIt€had€been€at€least€10€days€since€I€wrote€the€scene€with€the€woman€waiting€for€Finn.€€I€knew€IŠ \$  : Šwas€in€trouble€the€minute€she€lifted€her€jacket€off€the€back€of€the€chair€and€left.€€I€had€nothing.€€Š ‚%Ę!< Šą Ü ąAfter€10€days€I€decided€it€was€time€to€visit€Master€Tzu€Ō_ŌYuehŌ_Ō€again.€€But€itššs€not€like€I€can€just€go€see€him.€Š ¢&ę"> ŠBecause€I€donššt€know€where€he€is.€€Itššs€not€a€geographical€location€any€more.€€And€the€tea€Iššd€been€making€wasŠ Ā'$@ Šgreat€for€celebration,€for€awareness€and€meditation.€€But€I€hadnššt€traveled€in€several€weeks.€€And€I€couldnšštŠ ā(&%B Šcontrol€where€I€traveled€anyway.Š *F&D Šą Ü ąOr€could€I?€€It€occurred€to€me€that€I€traveled€where€I€needed€to€go.€€That€need€was€inside€me.€€And€theŠ "+f'F Šplace€I€traveled€to€was€basically€inside€me,€too.€€Sort€of.€€So€in€a€sense,€Master€Tzu€Ō_ŌYuehŌ_Ō€was€inside€me.€€Š B,†(H Šą Ü ąSo€I€made€the€tea€and€set€a€match€to€a€nag€Ō_ŌchampaŌ_Ō€stick€and€settled€into€half€lotus,€breathing€deeply,€andŠ b-¦)J Šlistened.€€I€sipped€the€tea€and€waited.€€And€listened.Š ‚.Ę*L Šą Ü ąņņYou€wrote€of€a€character€you€know€nothing€aboutóó.Š ¢/ę+N Šą Ü ąš šI€know€nothing€about€crabs€or€sandpipers€either,€but€I€wrote€about€them.ššŠ ¼ Šą Ü ąš šYou€only€observed€them.€€They€are€simple€and€easy€to€describe.ššŠ Ü  Šą Ü ąI€sipped€more€tea.€€I€would€describe€what€I€saw€except€that€I€saw€nothing.€€I€only€remembered€what€it€hadŠ ü@ Šbeen€like€to€sit€on€the€bridge€over€the€water€that€surrounded€and€held€the€Masterššs€home€and€studio.€€I€couldŠ ` Šhear€the€sound€of€fish€breaking€through€the€surface€of€the€water€from€time€to€time.€€An€occasional€cardinalššsŠ <€ Šsong€pierced€the€Ō_ŌairŌ_ŌŌ_ŌŌ_ŌŌ_Ō.Ō_ŌŠ \    Šą Ü ąš šWhy€did€you€write€of€this€woman€in€the€caf?ššŠ | Ą  Šą Ü ąI€shrugged€my€shoulders.€€š šI€just€wrote€what€I€saw,€tried€to€channel€the€image€like€before.ššŠ œ ą Šą Ü ąThe€Master€nodded.€€Lifting€his€face€made€his€eyes€narrow€to€dark,€shiny€slits.€€š šYou€wrote€what€you€saw.€Š ¼  ŠWhat€you€ņņsawóó€was€a€distraction€from€seeing€what€you€were€seeing.ššŠ Ü  Šą Ü ąš šExcuse€me?ššŠ F  Šą Ü ąš šYou€have€seen€other€things.€€You€have€other€questions.€€There€are€other€stories.€€You€abdicated€your€callŠ "f  Šand€kowtowed€to€the€cliche.ššŠ B†  Šą Ü ąI€sucked€my€lips€in€between€my€teeth€and€looked€away;€tried€to€see€the€fish,€but€only€saw€the€circles€theirŠ b¦ Šlips€left€on€the€surface€of€the€water.€€ņņAbdicatedóó.€€I€sipped€some€tea.€€Braced€myself€suddenly€for€where€I€wouldŠ ‚Ę Šgo,€but€found€myself€where€I€had€been,€where€I€was.Š Øģ Šą Ü ąš šYou€are€here.ššŠ Č   Šą Ü ąš šI€have€always€been€here,šš€I€muttered,€half„conscious.Š č," Šą Ü ąThe€Master€smiled.Š L$ Šą Ü ąš šTell€me€what€I€fear.€€I€mean,€what€is€it€that€I€fear?ššŠ (l& Šą Ü ąš šBoth€statements.€€You€fear€that€I€will€tell€you.€€And€you€fear€that€you€will€know.€€My€telling€you€will€notŠ HŒ( Šmake€it€so.ššŠ h¬* Šą Ü ąš šBut€arenššt€you€me?€€So€isnššt€it€like€me€telling€myself€if€you€tell€me?ššŠ ˆĢ, Šą Ü ąThe€Master€roared€with€laughter.€€It€was€rather€frightening,€actually.€€Took€my€breath€for€a€moment.Š Øģ. Šą Ü ąHe€said€warmly,€š šYou€are€close€enough€to€the€fire€to€be€singed.€€But€until€you€are€held€in€the€fire,€refined€inŠ Č 0 Šthe€fire,€you€will€not€bear€the€image€of€the€One€you€seek.ššŠ č,2 Šą Ü ąMy€turn€to€narrow€my€eyes€into€little€slits.€€I€had€no€idea€what€he€was€talking€about.Š !L4 Šą Ü ąš šYes€you€do.šš€€He€said.Š ("l6 Šą Ü ąAn€hour€had€passed€and€my€nag€Ō_ŌchampaŌ_Ō€stick€was€burned€down€to€the€rice.€€Perhaps€I€should€be€moreŠ H#Œ8 Šspecific.€€I€have€a€small€glass,€a€votive€candle€holder,€I€guess€is€what€it€is.€€I€have€it€full€of€rice€and€I€stick€theŠ h$¬ : Šnag€Ō_ŌchampaŌ_Ō,€which€is€a€Tibetan€incense€stick,€into€the€rice€and€burn€it.€€Takes€about€an€hour€to€burn€and€theŠ ˆ%Ģ!< Šash€falls€onto€the€rice.€€I€pull€out€the€two„inch€stick€thatššs€left€and€stir€the€ashes€into€the€rice,€but€I€pull€the€thinŠ Ø&ģ"> Šwire€out€if€it€hasnššt€disintegrated€enough.€€I€sometimes€burn€a€candle€as€well.€€I€like€the€flame.€€Ō_ŌHildegaardŌ_ŌŠ Č' $@ Šcalled€the€flame€a€Trinity.€€If€only€I€could€remember€what€I€have€heard€that€she€said...itššs€the€halo,€the€outerŠ č(,%B Šflame€and€the€purple€vigor,€which€I€believe€is€the€spirit.Š *L&D Šą Ü ąThe€Master€was€quite€right.€€I€am€living€in€the€distraction€upon€distraction€(by€distraction,€T.€S.€Eliot€wouldŠ (+l'F Šadd).€€ņņGo,€go,€go!€said€the€bird.€€Humankind€cannot€bear€very€much€realityóó.Š H,Œ(H Šą Ü ąIndeed.Š n-²)J Šą Ü ąIs€that€perhaps€what€I€fear?€€The€bearing€of€reality?€€The€burden€of€knowing?€€Of€seeing?€€Not€seeing€whatŠ Ž.Ņ*L Šis€ņņout€thereóó€but€seeing€what€is€within€me.€€And€yes,€I€can€hear€the€echoš!šwhat€is€within€me€will€either€save€me€orŠ ®/ņ+N Šdestroy€me.€€Itššs€all€in€the€risk€of€letting€go.€€Breathing€life€into€it€as€God€has€breathed€life€into€me.€€Now€ņņthatóóŠ ¼ Šwas€a€risk!€€Breathing€life€into€this€quintessence€of€dust.€€Š ā& Šą Ü ąņņTell€the€story€and€the€story€will€save€you.€€And€save€the€one€who€reads€it.€€The€one€who€resonates€with€it.€Š F ŠIt€isnššt€about€you,€itššs€about€the€story.€€Let€go€of€you€and€the€fear€of€your€identity€and€trust€the€storyóó.Š (l Šą Ü ąTrust€was€never€my€strong€suit.€€Do€not€underestimate€my€terror€of€being€misunderstood.€€Or€understoodŠ N’ Šin€a€way€that€judges€the€soul€of€me€and€condemns€me€to€separation€from€those€.€.€.Š n ²  Šą Ü ąI€was€about€to€write,€š šfrom€those€who€would€not€understand.šš€€But€choosing€to€accept€does€not€necessarilyŠ Ž Ņ  Šdepend€on€understanding.€€Would,€there€would€be€no€relationship€with€God.€€ņņ€No€one€understands€the€heart€ofŠ ® ņ ŠGodóó.€€And€likewise,€no€one€will€understand€the€heart€of€any€individual.€€Not€even€the€individual€herself.Š Ō   Šą Ü ąWhat€is€there,€then,€to€fear?€€A€whole€other€level€of€rejection€based€on€ņņmisóóunderstanding.Š ś >  Šą Ü ąBesides€all€this,€I€said€aloud€but€refuse€to€put€quotation€marks€around€it,€Besides€all€this,€what€the€hell€isŠ  d  Šthe€story€anyway?€€I€honestly€do€not€know.€€I€sat€down€to€write,€and€some€chick€in€a€caf€is€waiting€for€someŠ @„  Šloser€named€Finn,€for€crying€Ō_ŌoutloudŌ_Ō.€€Of€all€the€Ō_ŌcockamameeŌ_Ō€names€you€could€come€up€with,€ņņFinnóó€is€the€onlyŠ `¤  Šthing€that€came€up?€€Ō_ŌJimminyŌ_Ō€Cricket.Š †Ź Šą Ü ąŌ_ŌJimminyŌ_Ō€Cricket.€€Ō_ŌPinnochioŌ_Ō€just€wanted€to€be€a€real€boy€but€was€afraid€to€be€himself€because€he€would€beŠ ¦ź Šrejected.€€The€Cricket€had€that€song,€what€was€it?€€ņņWhen€you€feel€afraid€and€donššt€know€what€to€do,€give€a€littleŠ Ę  Šwhistle...and€always€let€your€conscience€be€your€guide.óóŠ ģ0  Šą Ü ąNever€mind.€€Not€that€helpful.Š V" ŠĢą Ü ąMaybe€the€ņņstoryóó€is€afraid€of€ņņme.óó€€Maybe€the€story€is€afraid€that€ņņIóó€am€judging€ņņitóó.€€Maybe€the€ņņstoryóó€doesnšštŠ R–& Štrust€ņņmeóó€to€get€it€right.€€Wow.€€A€story€with€an€identity€crisis.€€Separation€anxiety.€€So.€€How€do€I€nurture€theŠ x¼( Šstory?€€Without€indulging€the€fear?€€Its€fear€or€mine?€€I€canššt€even€ņņseeóó€the€story.€€Nor€could€I€see€the€fish,€I€getŠ žā* Šit,€I€get€it.Š Ä, Šą Ü ąHow€do€I€become€trustworthy?€€Itššs€not€really€a€matter€of€capacity,€of€ability.€€And€yet€in€a€way,€it€is.€€I€thinkŠ ä(. ŠIššm€beginning€to€see€.€.€.€€How€do€I€become€a€worthy€pitcher?€€Will€I€not€eventually€break€and€have€to€beŠ H0 Šrecast?Š $ h2 Šą Ü ąņņYes!€€Yes!€€Again,€yes!€€You€must€be€broken€and€spilled€out.€€That€is€the€only€preparation€for€a€story.€€AndŠ D!ˆ4 Šthen€you€will€be€remade.€€And€centuries€will€pass€and€the€story€will€continue€to€be€carried.€€A€different€story?€€InŠ j"®6 Ša€manner€of€speaking,€but€all€rivers€run€to€the€sea.€€Your€fear€is€arrogance€that€will€chip€you€away.€€If€not€a€clayŠ #Ō8 Švessel,€silver,€then.€€Be€silver.€€Both€must€enter€the€fire€and€endure€until€the€One€sees€the€image€is€ready€toŠ ¶$ś : Šbecome€more.€€Do€not€be€afraid€to€be€broken€and€remolded.€€Do€not€be€afraid€of€the€destruction€of€the€drossŠ Ü% "< Šand€impurities.óóŠ 'F#> Šą Ü ąYeah.€€Tell€that€to€the€story.Š ((l$@ Šą Ü ąThe€voice€shook€its€head.€€ņņAre€you€with€me€all€this€time€and€still€you€do€not€understand?€€You€and€the€storyŠ H)Œ%B Šare€One€Thing.óóŠ n*²&D ŠĢĢŌ€õćÖõõõÅŪŌŌ‡XąCXõõćÖŌą€00>(#ąš!š€Kim€Ō_ŌBallardŌ_ŌŌ#†õćÖõXXąC+Ż#Ō